I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
