So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
