About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize