And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
