Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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