Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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