So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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