I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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