I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
