my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
