Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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