i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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