and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
