dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
