Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
