I need to stop coming to work sober
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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