When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
