Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
