Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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