From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
