Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
