We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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