You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
