Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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