i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
