Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
