Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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