I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
