So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
