The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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