Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
