I wanna bring you to show and tell
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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