and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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