For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
