I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
