What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
