She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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