She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
