my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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