Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
