I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
