I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
