He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
