I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
