Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I want is dick and wine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
