Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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