I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
