I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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