come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
