just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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