i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
