every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
