I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
