I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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