Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
