and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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