Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
