I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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