I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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