you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.