Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.

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  (214): Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again. http://tfl.nu/sc3c
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (587)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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  (604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60
  Replies (15) Good night (1196) Bad night (3911)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

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  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (8249) Bad night (958)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

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  (757): i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone. http://tfl.nu/mzb6
  Replies (7) Good night (1516) Bad night (2839)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

  (404): View more from Georgia

  how did that work out?

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

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  (478): So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking (404): how did that work out? (478): Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder... http://tfl.nu/o1yp
  Replies (15) Good night (5456) Bad night (1795)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

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  (702): she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave. (702): now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like" http://tfl.nu/f7jt
  Replies (17) Good night (8492) Bad night (1374)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.

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  (563): I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition. http://tfl.nu/wjlr
  Replies (4) Good night (3553) Bad night (861)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day

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  (902): On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day http://tfl.nu/p5su
  Replies (4) Good night (1943) Bad night (668)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  walking out with herpes. that would be worse

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  (701): nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information (1-701): walking out with herpes. that would be worse http://tfl.nu/edgz
  Replies (12) Good night (2670) Bad night (701)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.

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  (787): I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers. http://tfl.nu/zztx
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (981)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.

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  (781): I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups. http://tfl.nu/fsmw
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (568)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing

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  (407): so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing http://tfl.nu/s8vo
  Replies (2) Good night (316) Bad night (492)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.

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  (304): One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both. http://tfl.nu/pmax
  Replies (0) Good night (661) Bad night (308)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.

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  (615): Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of. http://tfl.nu/7ejc
  Replies (2) Good night (367) Bad night (651)
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  (947): View more from Michigan

  if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee

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  (947): if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee http://tfl.nu/7tv3
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (150)

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