I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for