It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
