his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
