I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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