i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
