my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That reminds me...we need to get swords
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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