Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
