I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
