Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
