So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
