I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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